The No Mum Is An Island Instagram is a curation of powerful quotes and glimpses into my family’s life. An impactful post which reached 52k people highlighted that the first six months of 2020 was so intense that our kids need mental health checks, had one comment which bounced off the feed, a key part of the long comment it said “we can’t keep the kids from hurting 100% of the time, we just need to guide them through it as much as possible and give them tools to cope (now and when they are older). That’s what I feel is super important.. the tools.” A woman after my own heart to I reached out to The Self Esteem Doctor aka Dr. Simone Alicia to find out more.
Hi Simone, Welcome to No Mum Is An Island. I am a great believer that no mum or dad should have to do everything themselves, we can’t possibly know it all, and we need all the support we can get, there is a wealth of information out there to help us upgrade our parenting experience, to make our lives easier and this website is a hub for just that! We love your attitude to self esteem and how you are using that to inspire children and adults alike!
Can you tell us about what you do?
Hi Jade, thanks for chatting with me. I am a self-esteem coach and motivational speaker. I do work with all ages, but I specialize in helping kids and teens with reprogramming their negative thoughts, attitudes and behaviors. The goal really is to improve mindset, raise self-esteem and achieve consistent positive outcomes in their lives. I think the most special thing about my approach is that I am a certified Neuro Linguistic Programming Practitioner and I use that training to transform really abstract self-esteem concepts into visual demos and practical tools that kids can use (and see results with) right away.
Why is it so important to build healthy self-esteem in kids and teens?
I define self-esteem as, “The way you think and feel about yourself.” I even made a jingle that I sing with the kids. With that simple definition, I help kids (and their families) to understand that the way we think and feel is the beginning of everything: the goals we set, the effort we put in, the way we form friendships, the way we relate to parents, siblings and other family members, the way we perform in school, everything really.
It begins with how we are thinking about ourselves, which impacts whether or not we feel like we matter. For that reason, it is essential that we start with a strong, healthy foundation of self-esteem in our kids lives. Before we try to motivate a child or convince them to study harder or talk a teen out of hanging with the “wrong crowd,” we have to help them to see an inherent value in themselves. And that begins with the way they are thinking – and feeling about themselves.
How can kids shift their thinking into a more positive and productive mindset?
I have seen the best results when kids first learn that they CAN shift their thinking. It’s about going inside ourselves and taking more control of our own thoughts. Most of us are so used to reacting: ‘This is a bad thing, so I feel bad. This is a good thing, so I am happy.’ …and that’s that, but there’s more to the story. Although these are normal responses, we can go deeper, so that kids know they have the power to harness their thoughts and transform their perspective in many situations. They don’t have to be stuck in a bad feeling for a long time.
Kids need to know that all emotions are ok to feel at some point, but there are some emotions, like the extremely negative and even paralyzing ones, that you want to get out of quickly. …and they need to know “Why.” They need to know that negative emotions can be like quick sand and the longer they stay there the farther down they may sink. If they can see the negative impact that can have on the goals and things they want in their lives. They can personally decide if they do or do not want those consequences. Once they decide to feel better, they are empowered to try, but now they need to understand HOW.
They need to know how to use the power inside them, how to reframe a situation and see it in a way that helps them ‘escape the quick sand’ and thrive! They will shift to a more positive and productive mindset once they know the specific tools, techniques and steps they can take be more positive and productive. It all needs to feel easy, natural and in some ways fun for them so they will stick with it and see the results.
What are your go to tools to support building kids self esteem?
So this is my favorite part, the HOW! My favorite go to tools are teaching kids about self-talk, affirmations, positive mental practice, visualizations, journaling, scripting and so much more. I also love the results of teaching them about emotional clearing tools, mantras and deep breathing techniques. The kids love it and it works. I even recommend apps they can use and resources for parents too. In my classes and sessions, I lead with real examples from my life and stories from other kids or teens their age. Sometimes, I’ll show a video clip with additional proof of why the tools work.
It’s absolutely fantastic to see what it does for the kid’s confidence when they know they have options. I often refer to the idea of a child being blindfolded in a familiar room and told to run full speed ahead. Sure the child may have an idea of the room, but without clear sight of where they are going, it’s frightening and they often won’t move. The same is true when the child is familiar with being happy and know they should be, but they feel blindfolded in many ways about HOW to get to that happy, positive place. But we can take the blindfolds off by giving them clear sight of their options, it changes everything.
How can people work with you?
I would highly recommend that families join my online academy. This is where they can enroll in online courses, sign up for live group coaching sessions and even find some free resources as well. Families, especially adults and teens, are able to schedule private one-on-one sessions with me online too. I absolutely love to work with kids, teens and families who resonate with my results-based approach to self-esteem coaching and I’m happy to welcome you to my academy. Thanks for having me it was a delight to connect with you and share these resources.